The Voice I Lost and the Grace I Found

Losing my voice felt like losing a part of myself. As a singer and someone who’s always expressed so much through music, my voice wasn’t just something I used, it was a part of who I was. When it suddenly changed, I didn’t just struggle with the physical loss, but with the emotional weight of it too.

This is the story of how I lost my voice, how it came back in a different way, and what God is teaching me through this experience.

The Day My Voice Changed

I’ll never forget the day I realized something was wrong. I was scheduled to sing at a local Christian outdoor community event. I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with my son, our promise baby, conceived after 17 months of trying. Read our PCOS Pregnancy Testimony to see how God fulfilled His promise.

The event was huge, Diamond Street was packed. I stepped on stage with my band to sing songs I had shared countless times before. But when I opened my mouth, my voice cracked. Over and over again. No matter what I did, I couldn’t hit the notes. My voice just wouldn’t cooperate.

I was mortified. I even had to pause and apologize, telling the audience something unexpected was going on with my voice. Some friends encouraged me afterward, and a few people said they still enjoyed my set, though part of me wondered if they were just gaslighting me.

A Long Time Without Singing

What happened that day marked the beginning of a long and painful season. It felt like my regular singing voice just up and left me. I had to turn down bookings. I even stepped away from the worship team at my church.

I was devastated. I cried sometimes. But at the time, the joy of my pregnancy helped soften the blow at least a little. I chalked it up to hormones and assumed everything would return to normal after I had our son.

But it didn’t.

Even after my son was born, my regular singing voice didn’t come back. It was lower, my speaking voice included. When I rewatch old videos of myself, I can hear the difference in my tone. It was noticeable. I stopped singing publicly for almost a year.

I love Jesus, but I have to be honest; I felt let down by Him. It was one of those “when it rains, it pours” seasons. I was still grieving a music deal that didn’t work out years earlier. Songs I had poured my heart into recording would not see the light of day, and it felt like all that effort was for nothing. And then to lose my voice on top of that felt like a punch to the gut. There were songs I started recording as an independent artist before my pregnancy that I couldn’t finish afterward because my voice had changed so much. I could no longer sing in the same key.

Even in my frustration, though, I knew God wasn’t deserving of my anger. He always has a plan, even if I don’t know what it is. So, while I wrestled with Him, I couldn’t stay truly upset. I was reminded of the truth in Isaiah 55:8-9: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.” Still, it hurt. And I wrestled deeply with God over my voice and my calling in music.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.” -Isaiah 55:8-9

Have you ever discovered your gift, poured yourself into it, used it to glorify God, maybe even received prophetic words confirming your purpose, only to have every roadblock and barrier keep you from walking it out? If so, I know exactly how that feels.

It makes you feel stuck.

Understanding the Cause

Eventually, I began doing some research and discovered that voice changes are a lesser-known symptom of PCOS. The hormonal imbalances, especially increased testosterone, can cause a deepening of the voice in some women.

So it started to make sense.

Praise God, I still sound like a lady, but my voice is much lower than it used to be. I eventually realized I could still sing, just in a different register. I went from being able to sing alto and sometimes soprano to now being more of a tenor. Even alto was and still is a struggle years later. Now the Lord also gave me some insight into what was going on spiritually. Why did this voice change happen to me? Why am I not moving forward? Why so many starts and stops with music ministry? My character needed to be developed. My character is still being developed; let’s make that clear here. I have not arrived. I needed to grow and mature spiritually, and whatever the Lord wants to do, my character has to be to His standard. He confirmed this to me personally during prayer, and then through prophetic voices I respect.

Finding My Voice Again

After some time, I returned to the worship team. I told our Minister of Music, “I’m a tenor now.” He was so gracious, always adjusting the key of the songs to meet me where I was vocally whenever I had to lead.

Gradually, I began to feel more comfortable leading worship again. I rediscovered my voice, just in a different form. I even came to appreciate the maturity and richness in my new vocal register. I may not have the same range, but God has still allowed me to use what I have for His glory. And for that, I’m so grateful!

Losing My Voice Wasn’t The Only Factor

Another difficult layer of this journey at the time was my insecurities. They came to a head, and this voice issue only made things worse.

I still sing at church because that feels like a safe space. But accepting invitations elsewhere is hard. It’s a battle mentally and emotionally.

Even when I push through, it takes a lot. I have to overcome the negative feelings and remind myself that my personal insecurities don’t matter. What matters is being faithful to what the Lord has called me to do. I’m called to sing to Him, to worship Him, and to help usher others into His presence through songs of praise, worship, and the songs He’s given me to write.

I’ll tell you one thing: no matter how I feel beforehand, once I’m up there singing, nothing else matters. It’s just me and Jesus. And when I finally get to that place, I find pure joy. I’ve come to realize that the enemy tries to fight me, just to keep me from offering my praise in this way.

Maybe you’ve lost something precious too; your voice, a dream, your confidence. I want to remind you: God is still working. He’s not finished with your story. This isn’t the end.

Moving Forward in Faith

My voice change was heartbreaking at first, but God has used it to refine me. Today, I sing with new strength, and I sing with gratitude. I have to depend on Jesus even more now when I sing. I still believe that one day, God will completely heal me of PCOS and its symptoms, and I’m holding on to that.

Lately, I’ve been asking God to revive the passion I once had for songwriting and singing beyond the four walls of church. And I think He’s already doing it, because I’m writing again. This blog feels like the beginning of something new. That’s how it always starts for me: first journaling, then poetry, and eventually, music.

I think after so many disappointments, it just got hard to hope again. But it’s a new season!

“I think after so many disappointments, it just got hard to hope again. But it’s a new season!”

What are you trusting God for right now? I’d love to hear your story in the comments and pray with you.

Thanks for reading mine. If it encouraged you, feel free to share it!