Losing my voice felt like losing a part of myself. As a singer and someone who’s always expressed so much through music, my voice wasn’t just something I used, it was a part of who I was. When it suddenly changed, I didn’t just struggle with the physical loss, but with the emotional weight of it too.
This is the story of how I lost my voice, how it came back in a different way, and what God is teaching me through this experience.
The Day My Voice Changed
I’ll never forget the day I realized something was wrong. I was scheduled to sing at a local Christian outdoor community event. I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with my son, our promise baby, conceived after 17 months of trying. Read ourPCOS Pregnancy Testimony to see how God fulfilled His promise.
This is me at the event, on that day, looking as happy as can be, completely unaware of what was about to go down.
The event was huge, Diamond Street was packed. I stepped on stage with my band to sing songs I had shared countless times before. But when I opened my mouth, my voice cracked. Over and over again. No matter what I did, I couldn’t hit the notes. My voice just wouldn’t cooperate.
I was mortified. I even had to pause and apologize, telling the audience something unexpected was going on with my voice. Some friends encouraged me afterward, and a few people said they still enjoyed my set, though part of me wondered if they were just gaslighting me.
A Long Time Without Singing
What happened that day marked the beginning of a long and painful season. It felt like my regular singing voice just up and left me. I had to turn down bookings. I even stepped away from the worship team at my church.
I was devastated. I cried sometimes. But at the time, the joy of my pregnancy helped soften the blow at least a little. I chalked it up to hormones and assumed everything would return to normal after I had our son.
But it didn’t.
Even after my son was born, my regular singing voice didn’t come back. It was lower, my speaking voice included. When I rewatch old videos of myself, I can hear the difference in my tone. It was noticeable. I stopped singing publicly for almost a year.
I love Jesus, but I have to be honest; I felt let down by Him. It was one of those “when it rains, it pours” seasons. I was still grieving a music deal that didn’t work out years earlier. Songs I had poured my heart into recording would not see the light of day, and it felt like all that effort was for nothing. And then to lose my voice on top of that felt like a punch to the gut. There were songs I started recording as an independent artist before my pregnancy that I couldn’t finish afterward because my voice had changed so much. I could no longer sing in the same key.
Even in my frustration, though, I knew God wasn’t deserving of my anger. He always has a plan, even if I don’t know what it is. So, while I wrestled with Him, I couldn’t stay truly upset. I was reminded of the truth in Isaiah 55:8-9: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.” Still, it hurt. And I wrestled deeply with God over my voice and my calling in music.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.” -Isaiah 55:8-9
Have you ever discovered your gift, poured yourself into it, used it to glorify God, maybe even received prophetic words confirming your purpose, only to have every roadblock and barrier keep you from walking it out? If so, I know exactly how that feels.
It makes you feel stuck.
Understanding the Cause
Eventually, I began doing some research and discovered that voice changes are a lesser-known symptom of PCOS. The hormonal imbalances, especially increased testosterone, can cause a deepening of the voice in some women.
So it started to make sense.
Praise God, I still sound like a lady, but my voice is much lower than it used to be. I eventually realized I could still sing, just in a different register. I went from being able to sing alto and sometimes soprano to now being more of a tenor. Even alto was and still is a struggle years later. Now the Lord also gave me some insight into what was going on spiritually. Why did this voice change happen to me? Why am I not moving forward? Why so many starts and stops with music ministry? My character needed to be developed. My character is still being developed; let’s make that clear here. I have not arrived. I needed to grow and mature spiritually, and whatever the Lord wants to do, my character has to be to His standard. He confirmed this to me personally during prayer, and then through prophetic voices I respect.
Finding My Voice Again
After some time, I returned to the worship team. I told our Minister of Music, “I’m a tenor now.” He was so gracious, always adjusting the key of the songs to meet me where I was vocally whenever I had to lead.
Gradually, I began to feel more comfortable leading worship again. I rediscovered my voice, just in a different form. I even came to appreciate the maturity and richness in my new vocal register. I may not have the same range, but God has still allowed me to use what I have for His glory. And for that, I’m so grateful!
If you’re curious, this was my range before. These notes are definitely out of reach now, haha!
Here’s the lower range I sing in now, after getting a different version of my voice back.
Losing My Voice Wasn’t The Only Factor
Another difficult layer of this journey at the time was my insecurities. They came to a head, and this voice issue only made things worse.
I still sing at church because that feels like a safe space. But accepting invitations elsewhere is hard. It’s a battle mentally and emotionally.
Even when I push through, it takes a lot. I have to overcome the negative feelings and remind myself that my personal insecurities don’t matter. What matters is being faithful to what the Lord has called me to do. I’m called to sing to Him, to worship Him, and to help usher others into His presence through songs of praise, worship, and the songs He’s given me to write.
I’ll tell you one thing: no matter how I feel beforehand, once I’m up there singing, nothing else matters. It’s just me and Jesus. And when I finally get to that place, I find pure joy. I’ve come to realize that the enemy tries to fight me, just to keep me from offering my praise in this way.
Maybe you’ve lost something precious too; your voice, a dream, your confidence. I want to remind you: God is still working. He’s not finished with your story. This isn’t the end.
Moving Forward in Faith
My voice change was heartbreaking at first, but God has used it to refine me. Today, I sing with new strength, and I sing with gratitude. I have to depend on Jesus even more now when I sing. I still believe that one day, God will completely heal me of PCOS and its symptoms, and I’m holding on to that.
Lately, I’ve been asking God to revive the passion I once had for songwriting and singing beyond the four walls of church. And I think He’s already doing it, because I’m writing again. This blog feels like the beginning of something new. That’s how it always starts for me: first journaling, then poetry, and eventually, music.
I think after so many disappointments, it just got hard to hope again. But it’s a new season!
“I think after so many disappointments, it just got hard to hope again. But it’s a new season!”
What are you trusting God for right now? I’d love to hear your story in the comments and pray with you.
Thanks for reading mine. If it encouraged you, feel free to share it!
This post was originally published in 2017 on my music site, doniellemusic.com, but since it’s a big part of my personal testimony, I wanted to share it here as well—featured Image photograph taken by JMarsh Photography.
Table of Contents
Our PCOS Diagnosis and Faith Journey
Many of you may already know that my husband and I are expecting our first child. I am blessed to be carrying our baby boy and am overly excited to meet him on or around January 2nd, 2018. When we announced the big news, I felt compelled to share more than just your typical pregnancy announcement. God had done something so amazing for us that I promised Him I would not hesitate to share our PCOS pregnancy testimony so that He gets all of the glory that He deserves. I talk more about why I share my story in The Heart Behind A Life Revised.
What most people don’t know is that we had been trying to conceive since November 2015. I had it all planned out in my mind. I was the person who tracked my cycle meticulously. Yet, there was one problem: my cycle was extremely irregular. I could go 2-3 months without a period. After a few months had passed with no positive pregnancy test, I decided to see my doctor and find out what could be wrong. In February of 2016, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome(PCOS). I had to take several tests and an ultrasound to confirm it. The ultrasound revealed that my ovaries were enlarged and had many little cysts on them, a common effect of PCOS. One could have mild to severe PCOS, and I was told that I did not have the mild version, but that I had “full-blown” PCOS. I left the office, sat in my car, and cried my eyes out. It was a strange moment because it offered me an explanation, which gave me some peace, but also placed this invisible barrier in front of us.
What is PCOS and How It Affected Our Pregnancy Journey
If you are not familiar with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), here’s a brief overview. It is “A hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cysts on the outer edges.” It can cause many complications, including:
Infertility
Gestational diabetes or pregnancy-induced high blood pressure
Miscarriage or premature birth
Type 2 diabetes or pre-diabetes
Depression, anxiety and eating disorders
Obesity
Back to our story….
Trusting God While Waiting
Now, my husband is surely a man of God. He hears from the Lord, and I often joke with him, saying, “You are definitely God’s favorite.” We know that God is no respecter of persons, but the Lord ALWAYS honors what my husband says or plans. It’s actually encouraging to me because I can see the Lord move in his life and on his behalf from behind the scenes. It has been proven time and time again that when he says “The Lord said such and such is happening”, it happens. Around the time that we started “trying to conceive”, it was prompted by something the Lord told my husband. God pretty much told him to be fruitful and multiply (paraphrase). So you could imagine our surprise when it didn’t happen right away, and we discovered this big complication. Still, we trusted that God is faithful to His word even when it looks like it’s not going to happen. We NEVER believed that we would not have children. The Lord showed me my children in a vision a few years ago, and I just knew that it was going to happen. This was just a test of our faith.
Due to the diagnosis, I had to take Metformin, a drug commonly used for people with diabetes, because it helped with my insulin resistance. I also tried many natural supplements for at least 3 months in an attempt to help regulate my cycle. Nothing worked. I started to track ovulation to see if I could pinpoint the days I would be most fertile, and I literally went about 2 months without a positive ovulation test. I was devastated and disappointed nearly all of the time and would constantly go back and forth between being sad, depressed (also a side effect of PCOS), and then encouraged and full of faith. The roller coaster was real, ya’ll. London, my husband, would often encourage me, and he seemed to be the strong one for both of us. He never complained and never had any negative speech.
In July of 2016, we went on our annual ministry trip to California with House of Chayah Ministries. We are always blessed on this trip and get to encounter Jesus in a new place with new people, and it’s just amazing every time. This year, we met a wonderful man of God at Power For Living Ministries. He is full of the Holy Spirit, and noticing that, I asked him to pray with my husband while we were all conversing and hanging out after service. He gave a very on-point prophetic word, and we were so blessed. In the middle of his prophesying, he says, “I see such a concern about babies, why this concern? Woman, barrenness is not something God has given to you….” He goes on to speak directly to us regarding having a child, and much more. We were floored, but not shocked, as we know and experience prophecy all of the time. It’s just another amazing way the Lord says, “I love you and I see you.” Now we have never met this man before. We did not know him. To top it off, we had not told anyone of our “situation” except for 1 or 2 family members who were not on this trip or associated in any way.
As you can imagine, our faith did cartwheels. We were so revived and renewed in our hearts and minds. The one true God, creator of the universe, lover of our souls, was so concerned and involved in our little lives. The things that were prophesied, even the number of children we would have, were heard before. It was the 2nd time we heard that number. The Lord told us before we were married how many children we would have. It’s something you write down and don’t think about until you hear the exact same thing again years later. If you know me, you know I recorded the whole thing…oh yes, I did. So that I could go back and listen to see if it was true. I’m sitting here typing this blog post over a year later, watching the Lord do all that He said He would do.
Sidebar: If you would like to read more on prophecy, check out the Bible: 2 Peter 1:21, Amos 3:7, 1 Corinthians 14:3, 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, and many more.
Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets”
Amos 3:7
So once we got home from this trip, I expected to get pregnant fast… Not so!!! It’s hilarious how the Lord does things. I struggled in prayer, asking if it was OK for me to go see a fertility specialist and take fertility medication if necessary. Surely God gave us doctors, and it would not mean that I lost faith in Him because I went to the doctor. My OBGYN started me on a fertility drug called Clomid. It’s supposed to make you ovulate. I did 2 rounds of it and finally had a positive ovulation test!!… Still, I did not conceive. I believed that the Lord was OK with me going to the doctor. So I took it a step further and started seeing a fertility specialist at Penn Medicine. To make a long story short, she did many tests, confirming PCOS again, and wanted me to wait 3 months before starting on Clomid again, and she would start me on a much higher dosage. I had already been off of it for about 2 months before then, since it clearly wasn’t working for me. During this time, they ran tests. My husband and I resolved in our minds that we wouldn’t keep “trying” but we would just “be.”
In my private prayer time with the Lord, I would often say that we are totally dependent on Him. I asked Jesus to do it naturally so that He could get all of the glory. I didn’t want anyone to say that it was this doctor or this medication, but wanted it to be explicitly known that God Himself did it. Also, during this time, the Lord was doing the miraculous regularly at my church, Bethel Deliverance International Church. I had been asking the Lord to completely heal me from PCOS and for Him to give me new ovaries. I believe God can do it, and I’ve seen Him heal so many at my church and other places. So, after a total of about 5 months since I stopped using the fertility meds, I still had irregular periods and all of the other signs that PCOS was still present and not improving. Our minds were in a better place, and we were just living life, still with the hope that our children would come.
In April 2017, as I was preparing to graduate from the School of Prophetic Development, we had one more class/fellowship. It’s called the graduate’s dinner. I was looking forward to this day 2 years ago when I started school, because the seasoned prophets pretty much go in and prophesy to us graduates individually. When my turn came, a few of the prophets ministered to me. Two of them whispered in my ear (separately) that the Lord showed them me giving birth. One of them even said the same number of children that had been said to us previously over the last 2-3 years. Another reminder from the Lord. We are firm believers that the Holy Spirit in the Bible is the same Holy Spirit that operates today (Romans 8:11, Hebrews 13:8). Now, this post is not to begin a doctrinal argument; it is simply what happened to us.
Moving on….
Our Natural PCOS Pregnancy Miracle
On April 22nd, 2017, I received a phone call from Penn Medicine as I was driving. This was also the day that I graduated from the aforementioned school. I had taken a blood test about a week before because the doctor wanted to start me on Clomid again, but needed to check my progesterone levels before I could be approved to take the medication. I had been fertility med-free for months by this time. On the call, the Nurse told me my progesterone was a certain number (she said a particular number, but I forgot what it was lol). I had no clue what that meant. Then she says, “Hold up, can I put you on hold?” When she came back, she told me that she was so concerned about giving me the blood test results that she almost overlooked the fact that I’m pregnant! I was like, “Come again?” She said it again, “You’re pregnant.” I asked her if she was certain, and she said it for the third time. When we hung up, I screamed to the top of my lungs! I screamed and cried so badly that I had to pull over! I was in so much shock. You know, I praised the Lord like never before. I was pregnant naturally. No fertility meds, no special anything, and nothing that anyone could take credit for except God. After 17 months, the Lord did it naturally!
The weeks to come would be trying. I had to get an ultrasound immediately at 5 weeks. Then again, at 6 weeks and 8 weeks before I could be released to my regular OBGYN. They had to determine if the pregnancy was viable. One of the ultrasounds had a little scare as there was fluid around the embryo. We prayed, the mothers at our church prayed, and when we went back, the fluid was gone. No explanation needed. Today I am 7 months pregnant. Our little boy is on his way. We call him Baby Houston and #thepromise. God is faithful. I just wanted to share our story. This is not a formula for anyone, but simply the way God did it for us. He may very well do it much differently for you. I promised Him that I would share this testimony, and I hope that it encouraged someone to keep trusting in the Lord, no matter what it looks like.
Celebrating Our PCOS Pregnancy Testimony — 7 Years Later
2025 Update: Our son is now 7 years old!
Pin This Post: Our PCOS Pregnancy Testimony: Trusting in Jesus Through the Journey
